Darryl Ayo Brathwaite (nervousystem) wrote,

Sad/Angry


Anthony Clark just posted this on his twitter with the message "GRUMP" and I have to agree. Anthony's website is nedroid.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"Fuck fighting in the streets; life is a struggle." For some reason that line from Sticky Fingaz album Black Trash always stayed with me. In context it doesn't mean what I think of. But when I pull it out of context, it sounds like "don't go arguing in public about nonsense because ultimately, we're all just miserable.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

When Dan Nadel of The Comics Journal shitted on Secret Prison and Box Brown. Told those boys to go sell their boots to get money. That's pretty hilarious in a rapper kind of way but on a human level, it's vicious and uncalled for. It's definitely at-a-party talk when you're complaining about a person who is not present. But all in all (not being Ian Harker or Box Brown), I want to consider any dialogue in the artcomics community to be a net positive. Because our community never talks. We silently brood and resentment festers. Perhaps a public act of cruelty and outright savagery is what is needed to get us talking as a community.

But it didn't happen to me. If that had been me, I would be pissed.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

This weekend was a wash. I was so angry and frustrated after work on Friday that I basically took that evening off. On Saturday I took in a matinee at the cinema. Then, I slept. The only other thing I managed to do was go to the comic store. Which I did out of a loss for things to do. Today, Sunday, I didn't even leave my house until after 6pm. And I'm back home again.

My friends, my friends are such nice people. But so very busy. I'm running on empty. I cannot focus without some social input. I need to be with people. I cannot be this lonely and get things done. I need breaks to see friends and be in the company of people who I like. I tried to draw some stuff but it's just not there. I have no energy to draw on. Nobody cares, "just power through," and all that stuff.

I don't want to "power through," I want to have friends.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo


The Amazing Spider-Man, No. 9 by Steve Ditko with Stan Lee.

Read this one yesterday. Old comic books are better. More earnest, unselfconscious, unpretentious.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

I'm an angry grouch who drives people away. I don't even know how I would go about changing that. I try to be nice and pleasant but then people just feel free to ignore me completely.

Every weekend ends and I say to myself "okay a new start: be positive, put good energy out there." And every time, nobody will care what I say until I lose my temper and start being negative again. And then people ignore me again.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

I'm sick of every thing that I try to do being undermined by outside forces. Nobody wants to talk about artcomics so I talk about superhero comics. So then, everybody has an opinion about how Marvel and DC (MDC) are evil (they are) and how we should boycott them and blah blah blah...but those are the only comics that anybody will ever talk about.

I have tried. I have tried to talk about artcomics and webcomics and all the nice things but nobody cares. It isn't an opinion, it's an observed reality. I like to talk about things with people so why did I join the least communicative community ever created? Even poetry is better than artcomics because the readings force poets and enthusiasts to physically and socially interact.

What's the point in doing something if nobody will ever want to interact with it or share their feelings about it or admit that they have feelings about it? What is the point?

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo


From Tony Benedict's archive tonytunes.tumblr.com

The loneliness of comics is intolerable. In animation at least there is a need to cooperate and thus, people have some level of social interaction. I chose the wrong medium to be in love with.

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This is a really rough drawing of Marceline, my favorite character from Pendleton Ward's Adventure Time. One of my incredibly-favorite cartoonists, Meredith Gran is doing a comic book series about Marceline and I'm really charmed by it.

Not really comfortable with digital drawing yet. I like the digital penciling tools in Manga Studio, but inking is such an incredible labor for me in the exact same program.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

These are some storyboards by Alex Toth. Master of comic books and no slouch in the animation business, Toth is the one who I go to when I have lost all other inspiration. That is a good summation.

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Chris Bachalo draws Wolverine and the X-Men. Jason Aaron writes it. Good that Marvel Comics finally admits what Bryan Singer so slyly put into his X-Men films.

Magneto to Wolverine: "once again, you think it's all about you."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo


Speaking of which, this is a drawing that I did of Marvel Girl from the original X-Men.

She isn't skinny, I drew her backlit and then I dropped out her form contour outlines, hoping to give her a "hazy" look. I don't know why.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo


I'm a sucker for a good subway ad defacement.

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Never found out what Bane's deal was with always grabbing his collar like that. It looked cool and really creepy/unusual. Confidence and eccentricity.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo


"Beautiful Monster," by me. This is one of my Little Garden comics and one reason why I'm usually pretty disappointed in myself. I was on the right track, for what I want but I feel so worn down by life and my responsibilities.

I know that nobody cares, everybody says "power through, if you were serious you'd just do it." Everybody has those judgements. If it was that simple, nobody would ever feel crushed and defeated.

If it was that simple.

-Ayo2012xoxo.

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