For some reason I woke up at 11:00pm which means that I slept all evening. I surrendered and signed up for OkCupid. Terrible, awful stuff. I closed my account a couple of months ago and then there I was, OkCupiding again.
The other day, I downloaded a pixel-based drawing app for the iPhone and I did some cute doodles like the one above. I love pixel art so dearly. I love romance as well. If I can't have one then I may as well have the other!
Hanging out with really chill couples is reassuring for a potential future but in general, it seems a reminder of my grim life these days. These years. Three and a half years since my last feeble, short-lived relationship. I hit 30 last autumn and nobody cared. What a life, I say.
Too much Internet, too much twitter, too much tumblr. Not enough human talking. I see my best friends once a week at best. I pour my heart out on social tools that were only designed to tell jokes. It is pathetic and I know it.
People look at what I'm up to and see a frantic, deteriorating hollow man and they back away and focus on their endeavors. I don't blame them, to be honest.
Even modernity is my enemy; my computer is basically Internet-lobotomized and my smartphone is my only method of human contact. Shaggy-haired prisoner frantically tying notes to a pigeon's leg.
Marvel and DC Comics' respective business practices have made both companies basically unsuitable to be mentioned in polite company, at least in my circles. So one of the main things that entertain me has to be kept to myself just like everything else. People don't even talk about webcomics in public anymore because everybody makes webcomics of their own. Nobody ever wants to talk about comics, but comics is the thing we all have in common. I'm so tired of all of it.
Doesn't anybody read comics and get so excited about them that they have to grab their friend? Doesn't anybody want to stay up until midnight talking about the storytelling techniques in Casanova or the character building in Octopus Pie?
The music in this coffeehouse is too loud. And it is also unfortunate.
Every time I piss somebody off on the Internet it's because at my heart there's an emptiness, a hollowness, a loneliness. I don't have anything else but my own convictions. Guilty.
I want to be a better person, I want to be able to let things go. Most importantly I want to be able to talk to people who actually like me and who actually want to talk to me about at least some of the things that I care about.
Life as a cartoonist is harsh and it's worse still if you don't have a tight group to lean on.
This feels like I'm insulting my friends but I'm not. They are busy. Always busy and I am so often alone. It's nobody's fault I suppose but I am always the one left over, the single odd man out. My life is a nightmare. I will never casually hang out with anybody. I would like to but it never happens. Worst of all, I can't bury myself in my art. I just have nothing to pull from. The only stories that I feel inspired by are stories of people--of relationships. Things that are just faintly a part of my current existence.
The music in this coffeehouse is too loud. I can't think. Even that much is beyond me right now.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.